mr. belew would not be happy with johnny boy

not 100% sure because i admittedly may have heard wrong, but i'm pretty sure that just minutes ago the country's newest supreme court chief justice said that congress was the head of the executive branch....? now i may be a few years out of my last government class, but i'm still pretty sure that congress has nothing to do with the executive branch.

honestly don't know what i think about him heading the supreme court. on the one hand, i know our morals and outlook on life differ in many ways. on the other hand, i do have faith in his intelligence and trust in the court that he will rule according to the constitution rather than personal opinion. but then i guess we do have to question the intelligence a bit when he refers to the senate as the head of the executive branch. thass all, tho...


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

gotta meet rob now

so i know i just posted literally 5 minutes ago, but something caught my attention so the rambles continue...

over the course of the last 4 or 5 years, i think i've learned a lot about myself. the way i act. the way i think. i'm not proud of the person i used to be and i think of how i can get further away from that person almost every day. but sometimes i find myself drifting back into that old mindset. the one in which i didn't believe people could change.

the situation that really brought this to my attention was just last week at the piano bar for matt's birthday. clayton was all over this girl who was definitely all over him...and i realized i knew her. it was this chick that i used to play soccer against. honestly, i'd never really known her, but from paying each other frequently over the years, i got the impression that she was a bitch. maybe it was because i was friends with other girls on her team and so i got a different vibe from her because we didn't know each other...i dunno.

but at any rate, my first thought was, "why is clayton trying to get with her? she's a bitch." at the time this made perfect sense to me. but shortly after, i realized that it is stupid for me to think that way. i mean, i never knew the girl in the first place and i definitely don't know a thing about who she is now. so who am i to judge if she sees a guy she likes and flirts with him in the bar?

i'm pretty effin ashamed for thinking that about her the other night. but what's worse is that situations like this pop up on a regular basis anymore. i mean, this was the mindset i used to have before i realized that literally 98% of the population is good people. but for some reason it still comes into my head.

i'm just so incredibly impressed by the fact that so many of my friends have probably never had a thought like this. they are such amazing people that give anyone the benefit of the doubt and rarely/never have negative thoughts about other people. i know that this is a much healthier mindset to have, and i'm trying to reach that point, but it takes time i guess. good thing i'm surrounded by so many good examples!



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

high of 63 today

fall is finally here and i love it! warning: cheesiness to follow, but i don't care. sweaters and jeans...hoodies and sweatpants. what more do you need? i honestly don't know what it is, but my attitude and my outlook on life just seems to change when it starts to cool off outside.

don't get me wrong, of course, i do like the summer. i do like the winter. (not a fan of spring b/c there are tornadoes but that's another story). it's just that there is this feeling of familiarity and comfort in the fall that no other season compares to. football season, used to be soccer season...comfort is definitely the right word for it.

lames. but happies. whatev.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

humpday = tuesday in my world

why is it that every friday i tell myself that i will get my work done ahead of time so there will be no stressing come monday and tuesday? i know that i won't actually do any of it...and honestly, i'm okay with that. but yet i attempt to trick myself into believing that i will actually be responsible this one time.

funny thing is that i've already accepted the fact that i will more than likely pull an all-nighter every tuesday night this semester in order to produce the weekly newscast...so why in the hell am i trying to trick myself? is it a mild form of schizophrenia in which one personality things that it will be able to hide it's slacking from the other? hopefully not...but who really knows, right?

meh. has nothing to do with anything and yet something all at once bee-otch.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

explosion of the eye

why did i question him? i've always known there was love and yet, i can't always believe it. not because of anything he does. just because its hard to convince myself that someone can love me like that for this long. why haven't i scared you away yet?

things are good, though. i'm trying to make the best of these next few months. come december, the desired plan would be gulf coast after christmas, viacom january to june-ish, and syracuse july to august '06. 18 months without him. without them all. there will be more, elsewhere. but these are special. more special than anyone anywhere else could ever be to me.

damn...we've been pretty fucking lucky these last few years. shit has happened left and right as we've gone about our lives, but that's whats made the relationships strong and lasting. hopefully they will remain just as strong over however many miles there will be between me and everyone else.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

moohahaha...

don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

almost time

first newscast is this afternoon...then again a number of times throughout the course of the next week. i'm confident in the work that i put into producing it, but at the same time, i'm nervous for the reaction of everyone after this first show. people at work are watching it. if all goes well, they'll be impressed. but, if things go wrong...as they very possibly might b/c it is almost everyone's first LIVE newscast...then there will be criticism.

i'm aware of the fact that, if there is criticism, it more than likely won't be due to my actions. and if it is, i know that i am strong enough to take it. learn from it. grow. but it will hurt nonetheless. ah well, whatever will be, will be, eh?

anyways, had to get some last minute footage for my project for another class. it's about the right to hold demonstrations, rallies, parades, etc. on campus without having to get it approved by the administration. luckily, there was a bit of an spo fair today so lots of people were out hawking their activities. and...little miss slu...most of my b-roll is of the "save a life, soak a zeta" thingy. so, when your wait is finally up and you get to watch my story when it is put on the website...you can also see your zeta sisters. i think i recognized one of the girls from your pictures out at ginger cove. i think it's the girl who's place it is or who's boyfriend's place it is. either way...i'm sure you know them all!

so even though i won't talk to any of you before it all goes down...you better wish me luck on a clean first episode of the omaha news!! just kidding...i know you will!


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

learning

don't forget all...the omaha news airs this wednesday at 4 pm live on cox channel 17. it'll be on again other days and times but i honestly can't remember when. i'll let you know when i'm reminded.

tracy madden (wowt) came to talk to us today about how she made it to where she is and some tricks of the trade to get where you want to go. attitude is everything is what she says. so i kind of always knew that but it's good to hear it from a professional. especially because that other tracy character that i'm forced to work with has such a poor attitude and has made it to lead anchor in a mid-sized market.

madden said something else that made me think. she said that we should stop reaching for those top 10 markets if it isn't something at the top of our lists. her example was a photog in chicago wouldn't necessarily get to edit solid packages that touch the viewers, b/c they might get stuck in live truck all the time. same must go for new york, i suppose. got me thinking, but i'm pretty sure that those large markets draw me in so much more than the specifics of my job. i'm interested in virtually every aspect of the production process so whatever job i get i will more than likely be pretty satisfied (haha, non-committal phrase to the fullest jess!).

so now that i'm talking to people who don't read this journal...i guess i'll stop writing. yes. good. mmhmm...biology tomorrow. todd pooped. both stink ass.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

some bitching, but not real pissy-bitching

craphole to soccer at the present moment. makes me feel like shit b/c i'm no steve grier who can run back and forth and never tire. so i stay on offense b/c we need girls up there and they always feel the need to randomly kick it as hard as they can out of our defensive third. no complaints about the clearing of the ball, because that means it is out of our defensive third. but then come play some freaking offense, please! have a purdy ball mark on my stomach from fatty frank kicking it at me. yeah it bounced right at the top of the box with the goal fairly wide open and surprise surprise...no one was there to hit it in. erg. doubledy erg.

whatever, though. anyone wanna go to a soccer game with me tomorrow? women's soccer plays at 4 and i think i can put together a pretty decent pkg off of it. we'll see, though. call me if you'd like to join! any tag-alongs rock because i used to play soccer with these girls and i know their parents and i'm afraid they'll recognize me and i'll be the lame-o filming the soccer team by my lonesome. and i was like, "yo zaffo...wassup?" and he was like, "nothing" and i'm like, "thass coo."


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

long stuff should know to stop being long and hurry to be short-er-ish-like

syracuse came into my head today. and new york. its been awhile since the feeling about it all came into me. you know, the whole part where i get shivers because i know that it will help me achieve my goals more than virtually any other path.

the dream was to be an orangeman for so many years. pussied out. instead i met my best friend and became a maverick. do i have regrets? the jury is still out on that one, but i'm pretty sure i do. who knows what drake could have done for me? but then again, who knows what i've gotten out of uno that drake could have never offered me? that's the thing with choices...obvious...but so hard to see sometimes.

so many reasons to go. so many reasons to stay. a future full of contradictions.

the boy and i are good now, though. still problems because life is like that. but he seems to love this crazy kid i've turned into and i figure i should hold on to him because who knows if i can trick anyone else. on a serious note, though, the kid believes in me...without fail. not quite sure if i've ever had that before. the fam was supportive, but success wasn't good enough. none of that matters to him. its a new feeling and the last 3 1/2 years haven't even been enough to get used to it. but i'm warming to it like k-y jelly on zack's little buddy.

success. ha. done with that shit. too much stress involved in it. gonna try the whole happiness thing instead. should be more fun than a life driven by the desire for winning. who knows, though? maybe i'm more fucked up than i thought. that would suck

by the way, this chick at work had a shirt that said fnb Track and Field because her hubby works at first national and she's helping them at the corporate cup run (i think). and this other kid was like, "f-n-b."? i 'bout died b/c i thought he was randomly calling her an effin b---. guess you don't know 'em but i thought it was some funny shit. meh.

tired. didn't write about the newscast. went well. surprising but pleasing. loss of sleep over the last few nights paid off. should be a good season. tune in if you're in omaha-ish. live, wednesdays at 4, cox channel 17. replayed a few other times-ish. not sure when exactly. also, you can check out my shit projects throughout the course of the semester at:

http://avalon.unomaha.edu/broadcas/

sorry i can't make it a link. dumb on the html shi-oot. that's right, i said -oot at the end rather than -ot or -at. just trying something new. oh yeah, and about the video on there...not so good although i got a 49/50 on the first one. meh...no complaints i s'pose.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

yeah whale vags

woohoo! 77 points and my tight end hasn't played yet. yay for beating jameson in week one!


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

4 years? crazy.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

blahs

it's only human nature to second, third, and twelfth guess yourself, right? seriously. wish that was over with. not so sure if it ever will be, though. and if i am second guessing decisions i've made up to this point and ones that i am in the process of making, does that mean that i've made a mistake somewhere? the adage tells me to "follow my heart," but what am i supposed to do if my heart isn't speaking up? i never get those gut feelings about the direction i'm headed anymore. is it because i've grown accustomed to it all, or is it because it isn't right? something about it all just isn't right.

on another note, i have a newscast to put together by monday night and i have absolutely zero packages from my reporters to plug into it. bull honky. you're done.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

we like lauren's noodles...yummy

here's the thing. i'm enrolled in an entire series of classes...you know, like in the order you normally take them, but in 3 different semesters. so tomorrow at 11:30 i get to go to tv news video. to explain why it kinda is no good, our final project is basically one television package. the next class in the series is simply a list of deadlines for 8 television packages. kinda lame. ah well, though.

not quite sure what i'm doing at the present moment. want to go to grad school. good experience and all, you know? plus who knows what doors it could unlock for me. but what about a job? the sooner i get into a role at a station that will allow me to advance in the direction i want, the sooner i will get there. guess i shouldn't complain about having to choose between 2 positive directions in my life. so i will stop.

life is pretty darn good. stuff bums me out, but thats pretty much the way life goes. it's not perfect. it is what it is. and i'm finally at a point in which i'm okay with that. the good, the bad, the ugly. not sure if this is coming out right or anything...kinda have a bunch of randoms in the noggin' right now. people shouldn't brag about their penis size...it's not hot. but you know what? we're pretty sure we know what kind of kinky a certain someone enjoys. that's right. up the ass. derek says it's why this particular bee-atch walks the way she does. that sucks.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

an explanation of sorts

people joke about rape. i'm guilty of it myself. for some reason i never grasped the concept that joking about situations that will likely never happen, with people who i know and trust, was still wrong. it's nothing to laugh about. ever. but so many people still joke. still laugh.

somewhere in america, a woman is raped every 2 minutes. 1 out of every 4 college aged women has been raped or has suffered from an attempted rape. 1 out of 6 women of any age has fallen victim. however 15 out of 16 rapists will never see a day in jail.

i hate to be such a downer, but my level of awareness to this issue has recently raised. why? i really don't know. i guess just the thought that if you group any 4 girls my age together, 1 of us will more than likely be raped. it's terrifying.

so i guess if i react sensitively to something that other people deem to be a joke in regards to rape, that's why. its real, and i'm paying attention.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

rest in peace, chief justice

god bless william rehnquist. although i might not agree with everything he has supported in the past, no one can ignore the incredible service he has contributed to our country over the last 33 years of service. we are a country of people who count the days until vacation and the years until retirement. rehnquist reveled in the chance to make a difference, even stating,"I will continue to perform my duties as chief justice as long as my health permits." i just pray that the american media can allow time to grieve over this great loss and also deal with the tragedy in the southeast before politicizing it all any more than we already have.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

an ignorant statement from a "college dropout"

if any of you missed the american red cross telethon last night, take a look at the highlight of the evening. make sure to watch mike myers and chris tucker's reactions to what is being said. and you can tell by the way myers' mic is clipped when they cut to tucker that the director/producer had to cut away from that train wreck as soon as the douchebag stepped miles over the line.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

is this guy psychic?

holy buckets...this was written october 2004.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

so many frustrations

one of the most conservative newspapers in the country, the new hampshire union leader, printed a commentary denouncing president bush's actions or lack thereof in the aftermath of hurricane katrina:

"a better leader would have flown straight to the disaster zone and announced the immediate mobilization of every available resource to rescue the stranded, find and bury the dead, and keep the survivors fed, clothed, sheltered and free of disease.

the cool, confident, intuitive leadership bush exhibited in his first term, particularly in the months immediately following sept. 11, 2001, has vanished. in its place is a diffident detachment unsuitable for the leader of a nation facing war, natural disaster and economic uncertainty."

okay, so he didn't act in accordance with how a strong, confident leader is expected to react to a domestic national disaster. but maybe that is because he doesn't actually have those skills like so many of our previous presidents. maybe he did a better job hiding his uncertainty on and shortly after sept. 11th because there wasn't such confusion, chaos, and disorder. the nyfd, nypd, and national guardsmen were on the scene, dealing with a tragic, but limited situation. thousands of people were not starving, dehydrated, in need of medical supplies, unprotected from crime, and on the verge of death. then, it was easier for bush to fly to the scene, read a speech written by someone else, and fly back to the white house to "get briefed on national security issues" because we were at war.

my point with this is that the problem isn't necessarily the man who is in power, but the people who put him in power and the political system that has been manipulated to keep him there. its a sad system when the presidential election can virtually be predicted by who raised and spent the most campaign money. clinton is the closest thing we have had in how long (?) of a president who came from some sort of poverty in life to reach the highest office in the country. then there was gerald ford and i honestly don't know anything about carter's history. but since 1980, there was the gipper, the owner of a texas oil company, clinton (whose success i credit to his amazing oratory skills), and now baby bush x 2. just a thought about how the common man who actually has the talent, intelligence, and strength to stand in front of our country and say, "shit, this sucks. but we have a system in place to get you fuckers out of there as long as you stop shooting at us and let us actually help you." no, instead we have someone who says, with a smirk, "everything will get worked out." erg and double erg.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

http://www.mediainfo.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1001052874