the end

another chapter

"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

update:

oh, by the way, we tied adria 4-4. i blame the non-win on todd not being there...seriously, i do. adam tried to cover for the lack of todd-ness by going all out and painting himself up like a tiger. but it just wasn't enough to push us over the edge.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

that damn prepositional tree

lauren and her homonyms. me and my prepositional phrases. bah humbug to it all. here's the truth (seriously) i had my kidney infection in 7th grade when we learned about prepositions. and it's not that i don't know how to use them. it's just that i use them too often. over the...around the...into the...effin vodka to it all. hopefully that won't count against me too badly. we'll see after turkey day.

question for kendahl--b/c calling is too difficult, i guess--is the girl that goes to creighton that works at 7 named laura? because there was a young girl who came to meet me when i got there and her name was laura and she was writing some VOs and stuff. just wondering...no biggy.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

getting older is random

it's crazy to sit here and write out my resume. i've obviously done it before and it's worked well enough to get me a job in my field. but now i'm looking at it and it actually looks like a real resume. you know, not the kind with the teachers that you have just out of high school or the kind with your boss at last summer's random part time job (aka my resume for fox). no, it actually has people in the business who know what they're talking about and have actual credibility to a possible future employer if they actually contact them.

i dunno...i guess i've been afraid of what is going to happen in the next couple of months, and just this last hour i've realized that it really isn't anything to be afraid of. i've been lucky in that i am heading into the job market a lot further ahead of most people i'm graduating with. things have worked out well for me and i'm thankful for that...i just have to trust that my problems and concerns will continue to work themselves out when the time comes.

other than that, we play adria tonight. i was pretty confident that we were going to win simply because i just was. we've never beaten them before, but there have been times when we've randomly been pretty close. plus now we have the godfather part 2 who kicks major ass. problem with the whole thing, though, is that todd is going to lame-hio so our karma will prolly be all jizacked up in the indoor center. meh...he already messed up the huskers this year by going to games. now he's going to mess up tiger toms by not going. what a punk.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

13 is so NOT unlucky

on a brighter note than earlier today...i was reading lauren's blog and it got me stoked to see how many days i have left of school. update: 13.

that's right. even if i go to every single class, every single time it meets, for the rest of the semester, i still will have less than 2 weeks worth of classes...in my life! honestly, though, it isn't counting finals. but i only HAVE to go to like one class that week and frankly, it's biology so who really gives a damn?

anyways, i'm starting to really stress myself out these last few days. WAY more than i was before when i thought i couldn't take it. but here's the thing. i don't have any job offers from anywhere, but i do have leads. Like I've been in to talk to the people at 7 who seem like they would be awesome to work for. And then i'm still supposed to call the managing editor at 3 who talked with our class the other day. guess hilt said she was interested? and then there's the good ol' fox and frog that i'm already with. the wb show needs a producer and the way holy war said it to me last night was that even he was getting asked about if i was interested. so i just dunno....you know?

i know that it should be the least of my worries, but it isn't. it's the most. the greatest. i just dunno what to do. blech again.

wait a minute jen...13 days. ahhhh...that's nice. stress free for about 5 minutes til it starts again. peace out bubb...



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

blech

thought of the day...

if you just pissed me off and i'm not just waking up from a night's sleep or even an afternoon nap...you done effed up. stop there. apologize. then we'll get on with our separate lives. ka-peesh?


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

musings on an evening with the FOX

why is it that people seem to think that they are the only people in the world who REALLY matter? i seriously don't understand how someone can sit there and lie to another person's face and really believe that it is making them look like a better person. here's the thing...if you're lying and someone calls you out on it, chances are pretty high that they have some evidence proving their perspective. so just don't lie about it. admit you're at fault and then try to save face by doing that unthinkable act...apologize!

it seems to me that our culture is socialized to either overuse the term, "i'm sorry" to the extent at which you can't believe the person behind the apology because you know that they're simply saying it to get you out of their face for the time being. the other spectrum is that we don't say it enough. you know...there's those times when you can absolutely see the other viewpoint and you realize that your old perspective no longer makes sense in the argument. it seems as though we're too damn full of pride anymore to admit that we were wrong. no one expects anyone to have the correct answer to everything at anytime of the day...so don't have that expectation of yourself. i'm assuming everyone who reads this is human...we make mistakes. we make homonym errors in our papers that are otherwise perfect. that's life. get over it.

on another note...got to thinking today about getting away for awhile. the idea rehatched when i realized that as much as i want to continue to the next stages in life, there are things that are only once in a lifetime chances. not sure about what that means or how it's going to play out...but it seems logical to end my college career, lease, and local job at the same time and move on. make a clean break, you know? maybe i'll talk to allen about getting in touch with wally dean or something? i dunno.

the world just has so much to offer...but so does omaha. i'd probably have to say that what i can gain from traveling for awhile and living in new environments is about equal to what i will gain once derek and i settle down for the rest of our lives. the dream is still to make it in one of those dream towns...new york, chicago, boston, washington, d.c., etc., and then convince derek that we should build our lives together there. will it happen that way? probably not. he has no intention of leaving the 'ha. bummer. that hurts. we'll see, though.

by the way...i'm all about saying "peace out" lately. lame. for why? meh.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

local packers suck today

bastard high school kids haven't come yet. supposed to be here at 3:30 and it's now 4:26. glad i went out of my way to get a visitor's pass for them to park on campus. seriously, though. don't you think that since we're doing them a service by putting positive images out of south high school on the air that the least they could do in return is show up when they said they would be here to work.

erg to them. all of them. bastards.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

me and my mom, my mom and me, playing at playdaze from 10 until 3

it's so interesting to sit and read everyone's entries or their facebook profiles and to think about how different all of my friends are...and yet how well it all works together.

for example, the topics of last posts on my favorite blogs are:

1. Calling someone a bitch and how the weather is nice.
2. Camping this weekend (3 weekends ago).
3. Boys are confusing.
4. A crazy star-studded Halloween song.
5. Death threats and stupid coaches.
6. Busy life.
7. Human hearts.

and the great thing about it is how i completely understand why each one of them wrote about each topic they wrote about and almost every single thing has to do with what i freaking love about each one of those people....for the most part.

i dunno. friends are cool. wish there was more time to chillax with them but the school thing and the work thing and the sleep thing kinda take up a lot of time. i like sleep, though. 7 on monday...jim said derek was right. i know he is. just busy...and nervous. kinda sleepy now. bump this school thing...i'm going to pass out at my favorite 736 couch thing that is hot when i sleep in it but i will sleep in it anyways because it is a place to sleep and i like sleep and if you are still reading this then that is funny because i'm so out of it that i think it's hilarious to continue writing lots and lots of thoughts in order in one sentence because even though you don't want to read this and you know that it is lame that i'm doing this, you probably can't stop reading it because it is still in the middle of the sentence and you just want to find out what the end of the sentence is but i'm not going to tell you yet because this is still funny but kind of lame in the same sense because i'm pretty tired and in the two minutes i've spent writing this i could have walked to my car and i would be on my way to my favorite derek's house so i could sleep so that i could be well rested for the thing that i have to do tonight at uno for national broadcasting society where i have to run a camera but i don't really want to do that but at least i can get out of bullshitting with a bunch of people i don't know by being on camera time to sleep now i will go catch some zzzz's bye bye see you later adios sucka fools.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

padoodleys

tim russert has been doing commentary on the libby indictment. does that strike anyone else as a bit-o-boundary crossing?

last night sherer said that it looks like the whole CIA leak is going to leave the worst impact on the reputation of journalists. apparently proof is coming out that judith miller was too close to people like libby and rove and it finally came and bit her in the butt. i really don't have any information on that, just my prof's hearsay. but even if she is friends with the guys...i think it is naivety on the part of the american people to think that the press isn't going to be buddy buddy with the higher ups in government.

hell, look where deep throat got woodward.

do you really think any of us here in podunk-ha, NE would have any idea who this washington post reporter was if he didn't have the link to what was going on in the white house? not a chance. he would have been just another one of the crowd of wanna-be reporters and what i consider to be one of the top crimes of the century might never have been solved.

i dunno...maybe it's actually the press who is being naive about this whole situation. shouldn't we be smart enough to realize that the negative reporting we're doing on others in the industry is only going to help us in the short term...the long-term affects could be astounding. you see, when ABC hypothetically reports that tim russert actually played a larger role in the scandal, they might take some of NBC's credibility away for a little while. however, it will only ultimately take away from the credibility of all media. craps to that.

rambles. in shambles. "effin [a] vodka"


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

la dee dah dah

gotta love those times when you know you have so much to do over the course of the next 24-48 hours...and yet, you can't do anything to get yourself ahead of the game just yet. so you're left sitting...and waiting...and reminding yourself of how little fun you are going to have the next day or 2!

yeah!


...by the way, i apparently missed the memo that applications for degrees were due by october 14th. my bad.

"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

time to be done with the school crap-o-lah

so overwhelmed with everything right now. so much to do...so little time. so many choices...so many seem right. assuming i go to every single one of my classes the rest of the semester (which those of you who know me well, know that's not gonna happen) then i have 23 days of school left...in my life. and honestly, i don't even have that many more projects to do that are out of the norm for me. it's just that i don't want to do them.

then i'm also stressing because i would love to have a producing job as soon as i graduate--or earlier if that's how it works out. but i just don't want to commit to something if there will be something better that comes a little later...you know? the dilemma is that my director told me that my news director wanted to talk to me about possibly producing the new 10 pm wb show. now i'm not sure i want to stay at kptm or not, but this show really has no format and i would love the challenge of making a success out of something brand new. if it worked out, i don't think i would have a problem getting a job later in life.

but if it tanks, then what do i do? will 7 still want to hire me if i now have a cancelled show on my resume? will anyone? or will they take the chance on me because i have the experience? aaargh.

and i can't forget about how allen told me that mr. dean is willing to help me get a job. do i even want to stay in omaha? i know i know, i shouldn't complain about (possibly) having too many options for a job when i haven't even graduated yet, but i just don't want to make the wrong decisions, you know? dlgluwoikmvnfdvnfdl;


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

Pros and Cons of the World Series...

• Go to go to work later than scheduled: PRO
• Edit one VO the entire time there: CON
• Extra time to finish work for school: PRO
• Extra hours at work when I could be sleeping: CON
• Numerous rounds of Dutch Blitz: PRO
• 6 1/2 hours of wasted time: CON
• Show cancelled before game ends: PRO
• Speeding ticket while hurrying home: CON
• Nice cop who saves me $50: PRO
• Still have to take $75 class: CON

Thus....
I honestly have no desire to ever watch a World Series Game again in my life. Those fucking Astros suck donkey balls and if they win tonight I will seriously head to Steers and Queers-ville and kick each one of them in each one of their nuts...individually. Fuckers.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

why me?

do you ever wonder if it's worth it? is all the time spent trying to better yourself really going to mean anything to "the man"? are the sleepless nights spent contemplating miniscule changes in your work worth a possible job 5-10 years from now? does it make sense to stress yourself out to the point of exhaustion and disease just so that you can hopefully make the tiniest of impression on someone who might have a slight acquaintance with another person who would consider giving you an interview if the situation arises?

i find myself wondering that sometimes. i can't free myself from 100% of the concerns, but it's days like today that remind me that it's the times when you pay no attention to the impression you make on people that will actually leave the best impressions of them all.

be yourself at all times. easy to say...can be darn hard to do. not to say that i am a fake person who is constantly concerned with what people think of me. but i am the kind of person who's aware of my surroundings--especially when i'm in the presence of someone who(m) i respect professionally. long story short...although you can't control all concerns regarding how you come off to people in your industry, just be yourself and it will quite possibly be the best side of you.

randomness, i know. but i'm so taken aback by the circumstances that i've just been made aware of...whether it means as much as i think it means or not.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

the crazies are calling

uhhh...sitting here on the computer wasting the night away and a song popped in my head. so, of course, i started singing it. about 1/2 second into the song, however, i realized that it was the spice girls. not exactly sure where it came from or, more importantly, what in the hell is wrong with me. all i know is that derek had a good laugh. guess that's a good thing, right?


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

optimismfest

the people that surround me on a day to day basis never cease to amaze me. everything from the way they find comfort in just being who they are, to the times when they go out of their way to help other people.

example, last week i was stressed to the max about what i was going to do about my money situation (luckily my mom is an amazing woman who would give anything to help me when i'm down and out). but at the time i had no idea that she would be willing to help me out, and so i was trying to get input from others about ways to earn some extra cash...and fast.

the normal responses of plasma donation and plato's closet came up, and we left class no better than when we began. however, like 3 days later, this chick calls me when i'm at work and tells me that her roommate works at younkers and that they pay people cash on the spot to help them out around the holiday season. by this time i had talked to my mom and got things worked out, but she didn't know that. she just randomly heard her roommate talking about it and then she thought of me and how that information would help me out right now.

i know it's something that really is nothing. but, to me it could have been everything. she was probably getting ready to go out that night, and honestly, her life would be the same whether she called me or not. but the point is that she did call me. she wasted 3 minutes of her friday night to call an acquaintance from school who could benefit from information she had.

maybe you're all wondering why this means so much to me, especially if i don't NEED the money anymore. well, i'm not sure i have an answer for that one right at this very moment. i guess it just goes along the lines of how i admire people for the little--and big--things they do every day.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."

found a halloween costume...can't wait for it to get here! going to a costume party the friday before and then just dressing up that monday simply cuz i don't have to work and dressing up is fun! think this is the earliest i've chosen a costume ever! used to head up to shop-ko the afternoon of the 31st to pick it up. way to go planning ahead.

thats all for now. laguna is on.


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."