gotta meet rob now

so i know i just posted literally 5 minutes ago, but something caught my attention so the rambles continue...

over the course of the last 4 or 5 years, i think i've learned a lot about myself. the way i act. the way i think. i'm not proud of the person i used to be and i think of how i can get further away from that person almost every day. but sometimes i find myself drifting back into that old mindset. the one in which i didn't believe people could change.

the situation that really brought this to my attention was just last week at the piano bar for matt's birthday. clayton was all over this girl who was definitely all over him...and i realized i knew her. it was this chick that i used to play soccer against. honestly, i'd never really known her, but from paying each other frequently over the years, i got the impression that she was a bitch. maybe it was because i was friends with other girls on her team and so i got a different vibe from her because we didn't know each other...i dunno.

but at any rate, my first thought was, "why is clayton trying to get with her? she's a bitch." at the time this made perfect sense to me. but shortly after, i realized that it is stupid for me to think that way. i mean, i never knew the girl in the first place and i definitely don't know a thing about who she is now. so who am i to judge if she sees a guy she likes and flirts with him in the bar?

i'm pretty effin ashamed for thinking that about her the other night. but what's worse is that situations like this pop up on a regular basis anymore. i mean, this was the mindset i used to have before i realized that literally 98% of the population is good people. but for some reason it still comes into my head.

i'm just so incredibly impressed by the fact that so many of my friends have probably never had a thought like this. they are such amazing people that give anyone the benefit of the doubt and rarely/never have negative thoughts about other people. i know that this is a much healthier mindset to have, and i'm trying to reach that point, but it takes time i guess. good thing i'm surrounded by so many good examples!



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."