take me away

have you ever had one of "those nights" with the person you love? the ones where you stay up all night, making each other laugh and talking about anything and everything that comes to mind? we used to. all the time. i was dating chad, but as night fell, the only person i ever wanted to talk to was derek. back then we would spend hours on the phone talking about memories from our pasts, how much we were enjoying the present, and what we looked forward to in the future. i had never felt so comfortable talking to anyone about my inner thoughts.

last night was another one of those nights...at least for me. sometimes i wish that we would have long drawn out conversations more often. i love discussing politics, philosophy, history, and of course the news. but he doesn't. and that seemed to bother me. every so often i would find myself wondering if i could spend the rest of my life with someone who didn't feel the same way i did. not to say that i need someone to always agree with me politically or anything; it was more that i put a lot of emphasis on deep, thought provoking debates and discussions. and that is something that doesn't necessarily interest him.

but without knowing it, derek was able to re-open my eyes to reality. as much as i want to discuss my veiws on abortion, the separation of church and state, or us foreign policy, none of that compares to a simple night relaxing in the arms of the most amazing person i have ever met talking about the day-to-day events of our lives. the things we talked about were not life-altering or anything that really even matters at all. and for some reason, that doesn't matter one tiny bit.

he makes me laugh. he makes me cry. he makes me think. he makes me happier than i have ever been before. i'd never experienced love before i met derek. and god dammit it is painful. nothing has ever hurt more. but if the pain and the absolute confusion is the consequences that come with it, then keep it coming. because i never want to return to life without it. and i know that the next few years will test our relationship more than i can even imagine. but i also know that as it all comes to an end, the one thing that is an absolute in my life is derek.



"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."