i was in challenge more than derek, mwahaha

does anyone else crave a challenge? something that will push your mind/body/soul to the limit and possibly further? i do. t sucks. there doesn't seem to be much of anything challenging me at this point in my life. not to say that everything is a piece of cake. but lately it just seems as though my mind is on nothing. that's the main thing. a challenge to my mind. i need to think about something more than foosball and where in the hell i am going to be come july and whether or not my leaving will ruin my relationship with derek. there is so much more out there to contemplate and yet none of it comes to my mind. it makes me feel lost sometimes. dammit.

on a lighter note. i love when i find songs that really speak to me and what i am going through in my life. just happened to look through missy's itunes and a black eyed peas song called "gone going" jumped out at me. way to go fergy & co. you rock my face off (© brie).


You see yourself in the mirror
And you feel safe cuz it looks familiar
But you afraid to open up your soul
Cuz you don't really know, don't really know
Who is, the person that's deep within
Cuz you are content with just being the name brand man
And you fail to see that its trivial
Insignificant, you addicted to material
I've seen your kind before
Your the type that thinks souls is sold in a store
Packaged up with inscent sticks
With them vegetarian meals
To you that's righteous
You're fiction like books
You need to go out to life and look...


it's true. i don't think i know myself. i won't allow it because it's true that i am comfortable with the familiar. i'm comfortable knowing that what i have now works. but i know there is somehing missing. i need to get out and find out what it is that is making me continue to grow lonelier and lonelier every day. loneliness is lame, especially when you are surrounded by people who love you-or at least kinda think you're aight. shitters (© nadia)


"no i won't cry on the outside, anymore."